Pagans, join our war on Christmas!
After years of fundamentalist Christians and right-wing media concocting fantasies about there being a ‘war on Christmas’, we thought it was about time that we should give them the real thing!
In defence of pagans and in order to save Murdoch editors the time of effort in dreaming up ‘war on Christmas’ headlines, the Noosa Temple of Satan is today officially declaring war on Christmas.
Brother Samael Demo-Gorgon said that recent attacks by the Australian Christian Lobby (ACL) on pagan beliefs meant that it was necessary for pagans everywhere to reclaim the original spirit of the holiday season.
In a radio interview in October, the ACL’s leading crusader Martyn Iles said the act of Satanists participating in religious rituals was “deeply destructive” to those involved as “pagan religions destroy people like nothing else”.
Long before Christianity hijacked the December mid-winter holiday season and re-named it after ‘Christ’s mass’, pagans of various religious beliefs used to celebrate all kinds of festivities, including Yule and Saturnalia.
“Clearly, the religious freedoms of pagans in Australia are under threat after the Australian Christian Lobby fired the first shot in this war. So I’m encouraging all pagans to celebrate our religious freedoms, return to our roots and remove Christ from the picture these holidays,” says Brother Samael.
In waging war on Christmas, Australians can engage in pagan activities such as the following:
set up a tree and decorate it
hang some wreaths and holly
get merry, sing songs and get a bit drunk
smooch under some mistletoe
say “happy holidays” (oh, boy, do the Christian fundamentalists hate that!)
Hail the holidays!