Noosa Temple stands with #SatanicDan
Fellow heathens, Victorian Premier Dan Andrews has given his strongest hint yet that he is one of us!
While the fundamentalist Christians at the Australian Christian Lobby have long suspected Dan as being an agent of the Dark Lord, the popular Labor leader has finally shown his true colours in his government’s proposed legislation to ban gay conversion practices.
Sinners, you’ll be happy to know that the Andrews government is just as committed to demonic possession as are we at the Noosa Temple of Satan! During a break from some light knitting this week, Brother Samael Demo-Gorgon read through the text of the Change or Suppression (Conversion) Practices Prohibition Bill 2020 and was pleasantly surprised to find it included a ban on exorcisms.
In outlining what entails a ‘change or suppression practice’, section 5(3) includes the “carrying out a religious practice, including but not limited to, a prayer based practice, a deliverance practice or an exorcism”. The bill is currently progressing through the state parliament’s Legislative Assembly.
Brother Samael, a long-time equality campaigner, welcomed the bill as a necessary step to protecting the LGBTIQ community in Victoria, especially from the harmful conversion practices performed by Christians.
But he also praised the proposed ban on exorcisms as it would allow Satan to get on with the job of demonic possession without pesky Christians getting in the way.
“Dan really is Satan’s man! To show our solidarity with his government, we’d like to get some hashtags trending on social media. #IStandWithDan&Satan is a great one. The Christians have been using #ChairmanDan a lot this year, but it’s probably time to switch to #SatanicDan,” said Brother Samael.
“Also, we’re thinking about coming up with some new Noosa Temple of Satan t-shirt designs. Perhaps we can add a slogan on the back saying ‘Get on the beers with Dan and Satan’.”
Hail Dan Andrews!